Twins - A Little Story of Discovery

About 15 years ago, I was just becoming conscious of my own spiritual journey. A personal crisis afforded me an opportunity to re-examine my life, my choices and consequences. As often happens, seemingly chance happenings can have big impacts, and I had just such a happening in a dentist waiting room. I picked up a mainstream psychology magazine, and flipped to a story about twins.

It's Always Someone Else's Fault

There was a pair of twins, who, separated at birth, were raised in different families unaware of each other's existence. By chance (divine intervention), the twins were re-united after 30 years or so. Much to psychologist's delight, the twins presented a rare opportunity for insight by agreeing to participate in separate interviews.

The First Interview: Twin number one was asked a lot of questions about his habits and behaviours. The twin stated that he was a meticulous house keeper. "Everything needs to be in its place, and there is a place for everything. I have the clothes in my closet colour-coordinated and I am very fussy about the vacuum lines on the carpet being straight." The interviewers asked him, "Why do you think you are like this?" and the twin stated without hesitation, "This is how my mother taught me to keep house. Our house was immaculate always. This is what I learned."

The Second Interview: Twin number two was asked the same questions. The second twin stated that he was a meticulous housekeeper. "I have all the cans in my cupboard lined up, with labels facing front, and when I cut the lawn the lines are as straight as arrows. My house and belongings are always in order!" The interviewers asked this twin why he thought he was like this. He answered matter of factly, "My mother was a slob! Our house was always a disaster, I could never find anything. I swore I would never be like my mother".

This story revealed to me that only I was accountable for my life and all my choices. Typical of people living the 'unexamined life', I had been sure that all the negative events of my life were because of a variety of reasons that had nothing to do with me; I was a product of all that had ever happened to me. This twin study disclosed what I have since found to be completely true: it is not the things that happened to me, it is how I have reacted to the things that happened to me.
I have seen the magic of this revelation manifest in the lives of hundreds of people I have known and worked with. When a person who believes that they are a victim of circumstance discovers and appropriates responsibility and accountability for themselves, they are on the road to freedom. When the word 'victim' is exchanged for 'volunteer', everything can change.


What is the story of 'blame' in your life? You may have been told, or in turn told the story so many times you don't even question it. Are you the way you are because:

• You were an only child (first born, middle child, youngest)
• You were raised by grandparents
• Never had grandparents
• Raised on a farm
• Raised in the city, small town, village, hamlet, overseas, on an Island
• You were poor, wealthy, middle-class
• Had to wear glasses, braces or corrective shoes
• Were picked on
• Were most popular, looked up to
• Blonde, red-headed or brunette, curly or straight?
• Neglected
• Smothered
• Abused
• Sheltered
• Low or high IQ

 This list goes on ad infinitum. The real truth behind your life only becomes apparent when the accepted stories are challenged and discarded. I hope this chance encounter I had in the waiting room with the twins impacts you like it did me. 

5 Tips To Guard Sobriety

In recovery, only one thing has to change, but that is everything. And everything is included in everything. Spirituality, emotionality and mentality are addressed in other articles. This article is purely about the material and physical.

5 Tips to Guard Sobriety:

1. Mouthwash
Make sure that your mouthwash does not contain alcohol. Read the label carefully before purchase, and check the bottles in your bathroom. If they contain alcohol, throw them out! It isn't worth the risk. The taste and smell are triggers that you may not even be aware of while gargling, but your disease knows, and will take advantage of your vulnerability.
2. Cough Syrups
Same as with mouthwash, check all the labels before you buy, many cough syrups do contain alcohol. Cough suppressants may also contain narcotics, such as codeine. If you are in doubt, ask your pharmacist to verify the product is narcotic free. Many people in recovery have relapsed by naively using cough syrups, and triggering a craving. That almost happened to Bill W. himself.
3. Hair Products and After Shave
In early recovery you just can't be too careful. Think about using a gel or hairspray, or aftershave lotion containing alcohol. All your senses will be encased in the cloud of alcohol fumes. Don't risk triggering a craving, just to use a certain product. There are many alternatives to alcohol based products.
4. Menu Items at Restaurants
It seems that the more expensive and fancy the restaurant is, the more likely dishes contain alcohol. Read the description carefully before ordering. If there is booze in it, don't order it. If your server tells you not to worry, that the alcohol is cooked off, don't risk it! Is your sobriety worth the Coq au Vin? Let your server know that you have a deadly allergy to alcohol. By using the word 'allergy' in a restaurant, you will be taken very seriously.
5. Someone Offers You a Drink
This can be really scary in early sobriety. Don't be caught off guard. Here are some possible answers:

• No thanks, I'm not drinking today. 
• No thanks, I'm allergic to alcohol. When I drink, I break out in spots. Like Vancouver, Calgary, Hawaii, jail...
• No thanks, you don't have enough here for me. 
• No thanks, I don't want to vomit on you. 
• No thanks, but I'll take the money instead.

Seriously though, have an answer ready. Usually "No thanks" by itself is enough. You don't have to explain anything to anybody. And besides, you'll quickly find out that most people don't care or notice. It isn't all about you:)

Early sobriety can be a heady exciting time. Just remember that alcohol is a subtle foe, you must be vigilant, and keep yourself safe at all times. Soon enough, it will just become habit and second nature.

If sobriety doesn't come first, nothing comes second.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

Gratitude 101 - 5 Tips

Some people say the A.A. should stand for Attitude Adjustment, and that is exactly what has to happen if a person has any chance at all at staying sober for any length of time. Here are some tips to help you get to an attitude of gratitude.

1. Make a gratitude list. I suggest leaving the keyboard, and writing this out the old-fashioned way with pen and paper. If you are having trouble coming up with things you are grateful for, think about some really big things like breathing, eating, eyesight, friends and so on. Even if you don't really feel grateful, write them down anyway, and in the process, you may find your attitude adjusting.

2. Drop blame. Remember, if you are pointing your finger at someone else, you have three fingers pointing back at you. It is difficult to feel grateful if you are a victim. When you are able to own your own part in any life situation, then you have an opportunity to make changes. Accountability and ownership creates gratitude.

3. Gratitude is an action word. If you are feeling grateful, do something about it. If you are grateful for your sobriety, then go to a meeting and help set up chairs. If you aren't really feeling grateful, but you do the action anyway, your attitude will likely shift to gratitude.

4. Shift focus from negative to positive. This is easier said than done if you have a lifetime of seeing only the negative, but it can be done with conscious effort. Here is an example: if the man in front of you buys the last muffin that you wanted at the cafe - shift from disappointment or anger to being grateful that you will not starve to death in Canada, that you are in a warm cafe, that you have money in your pocket for coffee, that there are still oatmeal cookies left. Challenge yourself and your old thinking on the spot - what is good about this?

5. Give thanks. Whatever you are grateful about, give thanks. Look for reasons to give thanks. Did someone let you in to traffic, hold open a door, make you dinner, not charge you interest or give you a big hug when you needed it? Tell them 'Thanks'. And throughout the day, recognize where all of the good things in your life are coming from - your higher power. Let Him/Her/It or Them know how you feel. And if your not feeling grateful, let your higher power know that you are grateful for the opportunity to know that you don't feel grateful.

These are 5 little suggestions that will assist in your shift from ungrateful to grateful. Don't underestimate the power this has to help keep you sober!

Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

Rev. Sam Shoemaker, Early Friend of AA

Standing At The Door:

Sam Shoemaker's Classic 12 Step Poem

about carrying the message of hope.

Sam Shoemaker (1893-1963), was an Episcopal priest instrumental in the Oxford Group and in the founding principles of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Bill Wilson,  in AA Comes of Age, (p.39) refers to  Sam Shoemaker as a co-founder of AA:

                                    It was from Sam Shoemaker, that we absorbed most of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics  Anonymous, steps that express the heart of AA’s way of life. Dr. Silkworth gave us the needed  knowledge of our illness, but Sam Shoemaker had given us the concrete knowledge of what we could do about it, he passed on the spiritual keys by which we were liberated. The early AA got its ideas of self-examination, acknowledgment of character defects, restitution for harm done, and working with  others straight from the Oxford Group and directly from Sam Shoemaker, their former leader in America, and from nowhere else.

Rev. Shoemaker wrote over thirty books, at least half of which were circulating before A.A.’s 12 Steps were first published in the Big Book in 1939. Shoemaker’s books were circulated in New York, Akron, and the Oxford Group.

I found this poem in the back of a little volume  borrowed from a church basement library.  I was completely taken with this poem, and can barely get through  it without tearing up.  I feel like we are also standing at the door.

I Stand at The Door

by R. Sam Shoemaker

I stand by the door.

I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out,

The door is the most important door in the world-

It is the door through which people walk when they find God.

There’s no use my going way inside, and staying there,

When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,

Crave to know where the door is.

And all that so many ever find

Is only the wall where a door ought to be.

They creep along the wall like blind people,

With outstretched, groping hands.

Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,

Yet they never find it …

So I stand by the door.

5 Holiday Sobriety Tips

5 Recovery  Tips For  the Holidays 

Here are 5 tips to help you maintain your sobriety as the holidays approach. If you are an alcoholic, getting sober is one of the hardest things you may ever do, staying sober will be the hardest, and you need all the help you can get. Read these tips, one of them may just save your life.

1. Stay out of slippery places. Only attend a function with alcohol being served if you have a legitimate reason to be there.

2. Don't depend on someone else to get you home from the occasion. Drive your own car, and make sure you park in a way that you won`t be blocked in. If you don't have a car, make sure you have cab fare and a cell phone. You should also have your sponsor's phone number.

3. Know what you are going to drink before you get there, and order something that comes in a can or bottle that you can open yourself. Stay away from 'mocktails' or 'near beer'!

4. If you have to set your drink down to use the washroom, or other reason, get a new one. Don't pick up your old drink, it may have been tampered with, and you also run the risk of picking up the wrong drink.

5. Be very aware of everything going in your mouth. Many holiday treats are laced with alcohol. Liquor filled chocolates, rum balls, tiramisu are relapses waiting to happen. Remember you have an allergy to alcohol, and even a tiny bit can set off your physical craving. You may not even know why, if you were careless about what you ate.

Be good to yourself. You deserve to be happy, joyous and free, and live to see another season, and the best gift you can give your loved ones is a healthy you.

Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry