A Deadly Bucket List

Codependency, just like any other addiction does kill. The person suffering from obsessive care-taking may not have the dramatic death or lock up of an active alcoholic or addict, but they will surely die a spiritual, emotional and mental death. The family members and loved ones of addicts need recovery too. They are suffering from the disease of addiction. First and foremost we recommend Al-Anon Family Groups, but many co-dependents need a residential treatment to learn the tools of recovery.
Here’s a story I heard from a speaker at the Banff Springs Round Up years ago. I call it:

Crabs in a Bucket

One day a little girl was down at a seaside dock with her parents. She skipped down the pier and came across an old man doing some crabbing. The little girl was fascinated! The old man pulled the crab trap out of the water and put several squirming, pinching crabs into a steel bucket that already contained some live crabs. He then turned away to re-lower his trap.
“Hey Mister!” the little girl was concerned, she spoke, “your crabs are trying to get out of the bucket! Don’t you want to put a lid on them, so they don’t get out?”
The old man turned to the little girl, and to the crabs, who were scrambling to pull themselves out of the bucket, he said, ” Girl, them crabs is just like people. When one crab gets a hold of the top of the bucket, and tries to pull his self up and out, dem other crabs reaches out and pulls him back down”.

Pay attention to who is in your bucket. Do they really want you to succeed and leave them behind? 
I think this little story is almost like a Zen Koan!

Empty Your Cup or Are You Going To Drink That?

In Addiction Recovery it is said that you only need to change one thing, but that thing is everything. And everything is included in everything. Carl Jung stated that this recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body must be a "complete ego deflation, followed by a profound personality change". Sounds simple enough doesn't it? Yep, very simple, but not very easy. How do you precisely, go about changing everything?

I'm going to answer that question in a famous little Zen Koan, but this little Zen Koan has itself undergone an unprofound personality change of its own. What I mean by that is, that I have adapted some of my favorite Koans, removing hard to pronounce ancient Japanese names, places and customs, substituting with modern Recovery circumstances.

Empty Your Cup

Sarah had almost finished her college diploma in Addiction Studies.

For her practicum, she needed to talk to an 'old timer' in a 12 Step Program, so she arranged to visit with Old Moe at the local Alano club.

While Old Moe was pouring coffee, Sarah talked about all she had learned about the 12 Step Program and how she thought it worked. Old Moe filled Sarah's cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. Sarah watched her overflowing cup until she could no longer restrain herself. "It's overfull! No more will go in!" she blurted.

"You are like this cup," Old Moe replied, "How can I tell  you how AA works unless you first empty your cup?"

I don't think that Zen should really be explained, so I'll leave it at that.

 Oh, one more thing, since we are talking about filling cups: 

• The Pessimist sees the glass filled half-way, and says, "that glass is half empty".
• The Optimist sees the glass filled half-way, and says, "that glass is half full".
• The Alcoholic sees the glass filled half-way, and says, "are you going to finish that?"

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Zen Recovery

Zen Koans have been used for a couple of thousand years or so to help people reach enlightenment. They are little stories or situations that were designed to make people pause, scratch their heads, and say, "what?"

I love using Zen Koans in recovery work and generally people loved to be baffled by them. Sometimes though, I think (which is not condoned in Zen) that the ancient and hard to pronounce Japanese names and foreign customs serve to distract a more modern Western audience.  A parable or teaching story works best by meeting people exactly where they are and with what they are familiar with. Jesus told stories about shepherds and sheep, while Lao Tzu spoke of oxen and rice paddies. I've just brought some of our favorite Zen stories into Canadian culture in the 21st Century. Here is some Zen of Recovery, I hope you are scratching your head.

EGO

Bruce was fairly new to AA and sobriety, but he had been very successful in his business and active in his church. Bruce considered himself to be a humble and dedicated member of his new 12 Step Fellowship. Bruce scheduled regular meetings with his carefully chosen sponsor, Frank.

 One day during their weekly visit, Bruce asked his sponsor, "What is 'ego', according to AA's spiritual principles?" Frank's face turned red, and in a very condescending and insulting tone of voice, he shot back, "What kind of stupid question is that!?"

 This unexpected response so shocked Bruce, that he became sullen and angry. His sponsor then smiled and said, "That Bruce, is ego."

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