Recovering From...

1/2 = 0

2012-03-02T07:26:00.002-08:00

Flight School

2012-03-01T09:21:00.001-08:00

T.T.S.P.

2012-02-29T07:56:00.003-08:00

Guarenteeeeeeed

2012-02-28T10:48:00.000-08:00

Take One

2012-02-27T13:33:00.000-08:00

The Comitttee

2012-02-26T10:33:00.000-08:00

Practice Makes Progress

2012-02-25T10:28:00.002-08:00

Black Out

2012-02-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

ODAAT

2012-02-23T09:07:00.002-08:00

Finders Seekers...

2012-02-22T09:42:00.000-08:00

You Do Have a Choice!

2012-02-21T05:25:00.000-08:00

The Number One Offender

2012-02-20T06:56:00.001-08:00

The Road To Hell...

2012-02-20T06:00:00.000-08:00

Becoming Powerless in 3 Steps

2012-02-19T08:03:00.000-08:00

Grate or Hate

2012-02-18T06:00:00.000-08:00

Obstacle Illusion

2012-02-17T09:13:00.001-08:00

Family

2012-02-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

Act As If

2012-02-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

But Who Is Counting?

2012-02-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

Indispensable

2012-02-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

Intellectual

2012-02-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

Coming Up Short

2012-02-12T06:00:00.002-08:00

Victory Gained in Stunning Defeat

2012-02-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

Resistance Training?

2012-02-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

Isn't That Something

2012-02-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

The Path Chosen

2012-02-09T07:38:00.001-08:00

Preservation

2012-02-09T06:00:00.000-08:00

Jump Off Now

2012-02-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

Shipping And Receiving

2012-02-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

Still Rocking?

2012-02-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

Job Description

2012-02-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

Go To Meetings And Find Out

2012-02-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

Suggestive Only

2012-02-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

It Just Doesn't Matter!

2012-02-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the 'We'

2012-02-01T05:50:00.000-08:00

Inevitably

2012-01-31T10:38:00.000-08:00

12 Steps in 3 Parts

2012-01-30T06:00:00.000-08:00

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. p. 164, Big Book

Preservation?

2012-01-29T06:00:00.000-08:00

Things Could Get Worse

2012-01-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

Who Are You Trying to Convince?

2012-01-27T06:00:00.001-08:00

And as a rule, Social Drinkers never count how many days it has been since their last drink.

Twins - A Little Story of Discovery

2012-01-27T06:00:00.000-08:00

About 15 years ago, I was just becoming conscious of my own spiritual journey. A personal crisis afforded me an opportunity to re-examine my life, my choices and consequences. As often happens, seemingly chance happenings can have big impacts, and I had just such a happening in a dentist waiting room. I picked up a mainstream psychology magazine, and flipped to a story about twins.

It's Always Someone Else's Fault

There was a pair of twins, who, separated at birth, were raised in different families unaware of each other's existence. By chance (divine intervention), the twins were re-united after 30 years or so. Much to psychologist's delight, the twins presented a rare opportunity for insight by agreeing to participate in separate interviews.

The First Interview: Twin number one was asked a lot of questions about his habits and behaviours. The twin stated that he was a meticulous house keeper. "Everything needs to be in its place, and there is a place for everything. I have the clothes in my closet colour-coordinated and I am very fussy about the vacuum lines on the carpet being straight." The interviewers asked him, "Why do you think you are like this?" and the twin stated without hesitation, "This is how my mother taught me to keep house. Our house was immaculate always. This is what I learned."

The Second Interview: Twin number two was asked the same questions. The second twin stated that he was a meticulous housekeeper. "I have all the cans in my cupboard lined up, with labels facing front, and when I cut the lawn the lines are as straight as arrows. My house and belongings are always in order!" The interviewers asked this twin why he thought he was like this. He answered matter of factly, "My mother was a slob! Our house was always a disaster, I could never find anything. I swore I would never be like my mother".

This story revealed to me that only I was accountable for my life and all my choices. Typical of people living the 'unexamined life', I had been sure that all the negative events of my life were because of a variety of reasons that had nothing to do with me; I was a product of all that had ever happened to me. This twin study disclosed what I have since found to be completely true: it is not the things that happened to me, it is how I have reacted to the things that happened to me.
I have seen the magic of this revelation manifest in the lives of hundreds of people I have known and worked with. When a person who believes that they are a victim of circumstance discovers and appropriates responsibility and accountability for themselves, they are on the road to freedom. When the word 'victim' is exchanged for 'volunteer', everything can change.

What is the story of 'blame' in your life? You may have been told, or in turn told the story so many times you don't even question it. Are you the way you are because:

You were an only child (first born, middle child, youngest)
You were raised by grandparents
Never had grandparents
Raised on a farm
Raised in the city, small town, village, hamlet, overseas, on an Island
You were poor, wealthy, middle-class
Had to wear glasses, braces or corrective shoes
Were picked on
Were most popular, looked up to
Blonde, red-headed or brunette, curly or straight?
Neglected
Smothered
Abused
Sheltered
Low or high IQ

This list goes on ad infinitum. The real truth behind your life only becomes apparent when the accepted stories are challenged and discarded. I hope this chance encounter I had in the waiting room with the twins impacts you like it did me.

DON"T Hang in There Baby

2012-01-26T06:00:00.000-08:00

Growing up I was taught that when you get to the end of your rope, you should tie a big knot and hang on. This thinking will definitely leave an alcoholic hanging - and not in a good way. In recovery we learn that when we get to the end of our rope, we need to Let Go!

Mind Games, Lost

2012-01-25T08:18:00.000-08:00

Grant Me Wisdom, Not Smarts

2012-01-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

Listen carefully to everyone's stories. The answers are often found in other people's experience, strength and hope.

And Not Just A Trim, Either

2012-01-23T09:19:00.000-08:00

Nothing Doing

2012-01-22T08:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the best action to take is non-action.

Get It? Got It. Good!

2012-01-21T06:00:00.001-08:00

Make Over

2012-01-20T06:00:00.000-08:00

Go to meetings like your life depends on it.

Past, Present, Future

2012-01-19T18:57:00.000-08:00

Got Happy?

2012-01-19T07:04:00.000-08:00

Expecting?

2012-01-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

Why the Camel?

2012-01-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

Often the camel is used symbolically in the recovery world. Why is that? Well, read the little poem below and see if you can relate to this desert dweller. I hope so!

Doing and Getting

2012-01-15T06:00:00.001-08:00

Mind Games

2012-01-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

And if you are an addict then that mind is probably out to kill you. Have you talked with your sponsor today?

5 Tips To Guard Sobriety

2012-01-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

In recovery, only one thing has to change, but that is everything. And everything is included in everything. Spirituality, emotionality and mentality are addressed in other articles. This article is purely about the material and physical.

5 Tips to Guard Sobriety:

1. Mouthwash
Make sure that your mouthwash does not contain alcohol. Read the label carefully before purchase, and check the bottles in your bathroom. If they contain alcohol, throw them out! It isn't worth the risk. The taste and smell are triggers that you may not even be aware of while gargling, but your disease knows, and will take advantage of your vulnerability.
2. Cough Syrups
Same as with mouthwash, check all the labels before you buy, many cough syrups do contain alcohol. Cough suppressants may also contain narcotics, such as codeine. If you are in doubt, ask your pharmacist to verify the product is narcotic free. Many people in recovery have relapsed by naively using cough syrups, and triggering a craving. That almost happened to Bill W. himself.
3. Hair Products and After Shave
In early recovery you just can't be too careful. Think about using a gel or hairspray, or aftershave lotion containing alcohol. All your senses will be encased in the cloud of alcohol fumes. Don't risk triggering a craving, just to use a certain product. There are many alternatives to alcohol based products.
4. Menu Items at Restaurants
It seems that the more expensive and fancy the restaurant is, the more likely dishes contain alcohol. Read the description carefully before ordering. If there is booze in it, don't order it. If your server tells you not to worry, that the alcohol is cooked off, don't risk it! Is your sobriety worth the Coq au Vin? Let your server know that you have a deadly allergy to alcohol. By using the word 'allergy' in a restaurant, you will be taken very seriously.
5. Someone Offers You a Drink
This can be really scary in early sobriety. Don't be caught off guard. Here are some possible answers:

No thanks, I'm not drinking today.
No thanks, I'm allergic to alcohol. When I drink, I break out in spots. Like Vancouver, Calgary, Hawaii, jail...
No thanks, you don't have enough here for me.
No thanks, I don't want to vomit on you.
No thanks, but I'll take the money instead.

Seriously though, have an answer ready. Usually "No thanks" by itself is enough. You don't have to explain anything to anybody. And besides, you'll quickly find out that most people don't care or notice. It isn't all about you:)

Early sobriety can be a heady exciting time. Just remember that alcohol is a subtle foe, you must be vigilant, and keep yourself safe at all times. Soon enough, it will just become habit and second nature.

If sobriety doesn't come first, nothing comes second.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

Need Directions? Here is a Good Orderly One.

2012-01-12T06:00:00.000-08:00

It is strongly recommended that people stay out of relationships for their first year of sobriety. While the U Haul joke is funny, addiction is serious business. Here's somethings right out of our literature, p. 119 of the Twelve and Twelve

A.A. has many single alcoholics who wish to marry and are in a position to do so. Some marry fellow A.A.'s. How do they come out? On the whole these marriages are very good one's. Their common suffering as drinkers, their common interest in A.A. and spiritual things, often enhance such unions.

It is only where "boy meets girl on A.A. campus," and love follows at first sight, that difficulties may develop. The prospective partners need to be solid A.A.'s and long enough acquainted to know that their compatibility at spiritual, mental, and emotional levels is a fact and not wishful thinking. They need to be as sure as possible that no deep-lying emotional handicap in either will be likely to rise up under later pressures to cripple them. From the essay on Step 12, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 119

The sad reality is, that when 2 newcomers unite, usually one or both will be drunk within a short time. G.O.D. can stand for Good Orderly Direction, and staying out of relationships for your first year of sobriety is a good direction to follow. Give yourself a gift, your best possible chance at sobriety, and let the other newcomer have their best chance too.

Three Little Birds Told Me

2012-01-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

We can get really good at opinion-shopping, or finding people to co-sign our selfish and self-seeking behaviours. Trust your sponsor, and stop telling 'stories'.

Don't Be a Fail

2012-01-09T06:00:00.000-08:00

Intentional Action

2012-01-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

This is one place where Mom was wrong - it is NOT the thought that counts.

Oddly Enough...

2012-01-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

I heard this gem from an Al-Anon speaker at the North Shore Round Up a few years back. It got quite a resounding laugh.
And by the way, my marriage was made in AA...
(p.s.The suggestion for newcomers is to stay out of relationships for the first year of sobriety.)

Never Alone

2012-01-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

When Its Too Late

2012-01-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

One, Two, Three

2012-01-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

Judgments By The Mile

2012-01-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

Easy Now

2012-01-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

Changes

2011-12-31T08:40:00.000-08:00

Why Me?

2011-12-30T06:00:00.000-08:00

Most newcomers are really concerned with finding out why they are alcoholics. What we learn is that the 'why' is completely irrelevant to the solution.

Near Beer? - Keep it Far Away!

2011-12-29T06:00:00.000-08:00

I've never heard of anyone relapsing after drinking grapefruit juice or milk. But I have heard many stories of relapse after consumption of Near Beer, De-Alcoholized Wines or Sparkling Grape Juice. If we are looking for some vicarious pleasure from a beer stein or wineglass, we are in a slippery place. Is it worth dying over? Have a coffee or soft drink instead.

Don't Get Cleaned Out

2011-12-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

Carry On

2011-12-27T06:00:00.000-08:00

Simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.

If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurt some more. p. 95 Big Book

The First Dance?

2011-12-26T06:00:00.000-08:00

"The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence." p. xxx - The Doctor's Opinion, Big Book

Santa Wish List

2011-12-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

Knowing that both his parents were in AA, and loving it, the little boy sat on Santa's knee and said, "Santa when I grow up, I want to be an alcoholic".

Santa says, "Sorry son, you can't have both".

Mistaken Belief

2011-12-23T06:00:00.001-08:00

The Cookie Thief

by Valerie Cox

A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shops.
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be.
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”

With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought… oooh, brother.
This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude,
Why he didn’t even show any gratitude!

She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.

If mine are here, she moaned in despair,
The others were his, and he tried to share.
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

What are your mistaken belief's today?

Gratitude 101 - 5 Tips

2011-12-22T06:00:00.001-08:00

Some people say the A.A. should stand for Attitude Adjustment, and that is exactly what has to happen if a person has any chance at all at staying sober for any length of time. Here are some tips to help you get to an attitude of gratitude.

1. Make a gratitude list. I suggest leaving the keyboard, and writing this out the old-fashioned way with pen and paper. If you are having trouble coming up with things you are grateful for, think about some really big things like breathing, eating, eyesight, friends and so on. Even if you don't really feel grateful, write them down anyway, and in the process, you may find your attitude adjusting.

2. Drop blame. Remember, if you are pointing your finger at someone else, you have three fingers pointing back at you. It is difficult to feel grateful if you are a victim. When you are able to own your own part in any life situation, then you have an opportunity to make changes. Accountability and ownership creates gratitude.

3. Gratitude is an action word. If you are feeling grateful, do something about it. If you are grateful for your sobriety, then go to a meeting and help set up chairs. If you aren't really feeling grateful, but you do the action anyway, your attitude will likely shift to gratitude.

4. Shift focus from negative to positive. This is easier said than done if you have a lifetime of seeing only the negative, but it can be done with conscious effort. Here is an example: if the man in front of you buys the last muffin that you wanted at the cafe - shift from disappointment or anger to being grateful that you will not starve to death in Canada, that you are in a warm cafe, that you have money in your pocket for coffee, that there are still oatmeal cookies left. Challenge yourself and your old thinking on the spot - what is good about this?

5. Give thanks. Whatever you are grateful about, give thanks. Look for reasons to give thanks. Did someone let you in to traffic, hold open a door, make you dinner, not charge you interest or give you a big hug when you needed it? Tell them 'Thanks'. And throughout the day, recognize where all of the good things in your life are coming from - your higher power. Let Him/Her/It or Them know how you feel. And if your not feeling grateful, let your higher power know that you are grateful for the opportunity to know that you don't feel grateful.

These are 5 little suggestions that will assist in your shift from ungrateful to grateful. Don't underestimate the power this has to help keep you sober!

Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

Now That is a Mouthful!

2011-12-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

In the Big Book, we are called "examples of self-will run riot", as our sweet dog demonstrates here.
Sometimes we only give lip-service to Step 3, agreeing to follow God's will, only if we get to keep what we want. Eventually though, this riot of pseudo-surrender will be cause to re-examination the notion of 'letting go". What is your mouth full of?

Let Go, and Let God

Don't Be Slip Sliding Away

2011-12-20T06:00:00.001-08:00

From the Big Book - and yes, it does actually say "Rule". Wow.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties [I'm not sure if I ever went to a whoopee party?]. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.

You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead.

Oh and there is a little bit more, read it for yourself on page 100-102.

Rev. Sam Shoemaker, Early Friend of AA

2011-12-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

Standing At The Door:

Sam Shoemaker's Classic 12 Step Poem

about carrying the message of hope.

Sam Shoemaker (1893-1963), was an Episcopal priest instrumental in the Oxford Group and in the founding principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Bill Wilson, in AA Comes of Age, (p.39) refers to Sam Shoemaker as a co-founder of AA:

It was from Sam Shoemaker, that we absorbed most of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, steps that express the heart of AA’s way of life. Dr. Silkworth gave us the needed knowledge of our illness, but Sam Shoemaker had given us the concrete knowledge of what we could do about it, he passed on the spiritual keys by which we were liberated. The early AA got its ideas of self-examination, acknowledgment of character defects, restitution for harm done, and working with others straight from the Oxford Group and directly from Sam Shoemaker, their former leader in America, and from nowhere else.

Rev. Shoemaker wrote over thirty books, at least half of which were circulating before A.A.’s 12 Steps were first published in the Big Book in 1939. Shoemaker’s books were circulated in New York, Akron, and the Oxford Group.

I found this poem in the back of a little volume borrowed from a church basement library. I was completely taken with this poem, and can barely get through it without tearing up. I feel like we are also standing at the door.

I Stand at The Door

by R. Sam Shoemaker

I stand by the door.

I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out,

The door is the most important door in the world-

It is the door through which people walk when they find God.

There’s no use my going way inside, and staying there,

When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,

Crave to know where the door is.

And all that so many ever find

Is only the wall where a door ought to be.

They creep along the wall like blind people,

With outstretched, groping hands.

Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,

Yet they never find it …

So I stand by the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world

Is for people to find that door–the door to God.

The most important thing any person can do

Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands,

And put it on the latch–the latch that only clicks

And opens to the person’s own touch.

People die outside that door, as starving beggars die

On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter—

Die for want of what is within their grasp.

They live, on the other side of it–live because they have not found it.

Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,

And open it, and walk in, and find Him …

So I stand by the door.

Go in, great saints, go all the way in–

Go way down into the cavernous cellars,

And way up into the spacious attics–

It is a vast roomy house, this house where God is.

Go into the deepest of hidden casements,

Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.

Some must inhabit those inner rooms.

And know the depths and heights of God,

And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.

Sometimes I take a deeper look in,

Sometimes venture in a little farther;

But my place seems closer to the opening …

So I stand by the door.

There is another reason why I stand there.

Some people get part way in and become afraid

Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them

For God is so very great, and asks all of us.

And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia,

And want to get out. “Let me out!” they cry,

And the people way inside only terrify them more.

Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled

For the old life, they have seen too much:

Once taste God, and nothing but God will do any more.

Somebody must be watching for the frightened

Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,

To tell them how much better it is inside.

The people too far in do not see how near these are

To leaving–preoccupied with the wonder of it all.

Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door,

But would like to run away. So for them, too,

I stand by the door.

I admire the people who go way in.

But I wish they would not forget how it was

Before they got in. Then they would be able to help

The people who have not, yet even found the door,

Or the people who want to run away again from God,

You can go in too deeply, and stay in too long,

And forget the people outside the door.

As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,

Near enough to God to hear Him, and know He is there,

But not so far from people as not to hear them,

And remember they are there, too.

Where? Outside the door–

Thousands of them, millions of them.

But–more important for me–

One of them, two of them, ten of them,

Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.

So I shall stand by the door and wait

For those who seek it.

“I had rather be a door-keeper …”

So I stand by the door.

Just One Question

2011-12-18T06:00:00.000-08:00

Addiction is a chronic, progressive, family disease, and everyone in the family system is affected.

Adult children of alcoholics (ACOA) and other forms of codependency are just as significant and impactful as addiction to alcohol, other drugs, or behaviors such as gambling. The alcoholic / addict goes off to rehab and comes home a new person: freed of destructive patterns of thinking and behaving, relieved of shame, guilt and remorse, and with new life skills for living life on life’s terms, one day at a time.

But what about you? Perhaps you have grown up with an alcoholic parent. Or you have been in relationship, or marriage, with a suffering alcoholic or addict. You worry about others, try to make things right, give of yourself endlessly, feel upset, disrespected, or taken for granted by the way others treat you, attempt to control people, places or things, feel empty, despair, lesser-than, shame, or anger. You feel alone in a sea of people you care for. No one understands.

We do. We get it. You need and deserve help too! You too should have a healing, nurturing place where you can go to heal. Have a break. Take time for you. Restore and renew.

Find out who You really are. Focus on you for a change! Process and let go of past hurts, stop worrying about the future, and learn skills for living life, YOUR life, in this moment, to your fullest. And have FUN!

The mad cycle of addiction within the entire family can finally be broken. It’s time to be free!

Chocolate Lab Delight, A Big Hearted Handsome Dog, Cocoa Derry

2011-12-17T12:36:00.000-08:00

A Deadly Bucket List

2011-12-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

Codependency, just like any other addiction does kill. The person suffering from obsessive care-taking may not have the dramatic death or lock up of an active alcoholic or addict, but they will surely die a spiritual, emotional and mental death. The family members and loved ones of addicts need recovery too. They are suffering from the disease of addiction. First and foremost we recommend Al-Anon Family Groups, but many co-dependents need a residential treatment to learn the tools of recovery.
Here’s a story I heard from a speaker at the Banff Springs Round Up years ago. I call it:

Crabs in a Bucket

One day a little girl was down at a seaside dock with her parents. She skipped down the pier and came across an old man doing some crabbing. The little girl was fascinated! The old man pulled the crab trap out of the water and put several squirming, pinching crabs into a steel bucket that already contained some live crabs. He then turned away to re-lower his trap.
“Hey Mister!” the little girl was concerned, she spoke, “your crabs are trying to get out of the bucket! Don’t you want to put a lid on them, so they don’t get out?”
The old man turned to the little girl, and to the crabs, who were scrambling to pull themselves out of the bucket, he said, ” Girl, them crabs is just like people. When one crab gets a hold of the top of the bucket, and tries to pull his self up and out, dem other crabs reaches out and pulls him back down”.

Pay attention to who is in your bucket. Do they really want you to succeed and leave them behind?
I think this little story is almost like a Zen Koan!

And, Action!

2011-12-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

Number One Priority

2011-12-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

Don't try to fit your recovery into your life, fit your life into your recovery. If anything, anything! comes between you and your sobriety, whether that is spouse, children, parents, friends, work, ANYTHING, you will end up with nothing anyway. First Things First. Always.

Can You Hear Me Now?

2011-12-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

I love stories. If you are familiar with any of my blogs or work at all, you know by now, I love stories. Most people don't appreciate the "naked truth", but when it is wrapped up in a beautiful story, most people will welcome it in, sometimes without even knowing it is the truth. Stories can continue to reveal the truth slowly over time, meeting you where you are, showing back up in your psyche with the message you need - even if you don't want to see the truth.

So, here's a new favourite. It kind of reminds me of the saying (I love sayings too), When you are pointing a finger at someone, you have three fingers pointing back at you. Let me know if you like this story too, and what it means for you. Does an experience or belief come to mind?

Can You Hear Me Now?

The old man was sure that his wife was losing her hearing. He was frustrated that she refused to get her hearing checked, and scoffed at the idea of a hearing aid. The old man was getting quite worked up over it, and remembering and playing over all kinds of times when his wife would not listen to him - he felt he was usually right about most things.
Wanting to prove his rightness around his wife's hearing loss, he decided to test her. One evening after supper, his wife was at her usual place by the fire with her Chai tea, reading on her iPad. Her husband stood way back out of sight from the adjoining room, and called out, "Honey, can you hear me?" His wife did not look up, and did not answer.
He moved a little closer, "Honey, can you hear me now?" Again, there was no response from his wife. He moved right to the door and called again, "Honey, can you hear me now?" No response. He was feeling quite vindicated, he would be able to prove to her that she was going deaf! He quietly snuck up right behind her, and whispered to the back of her head, "Honey, can you hear me now?"
His wife whirled around impatiently, and said "Yes! For the fourth time, yes!"

I think that the story stands for itself, so I won't clutter it up with rhetoric.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

Think That is Funny?

2011-12-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

You can make plans, but don't plan the results. That is unless you want a pre-meditated resentment.

KXJYT8EPTRJM

What A Drag

2011-12-12T06:30:00.000-08:00

Who's On First?

2011-12-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

Contemplating recovery for the first time is incredibly daunting. What a relief to find out that we don't have to be concerned about future scenarios that may or may not include drinking. All we need to concern ourselves with is this 24 hours in front of us. We may drink tomorrow, or next week, or year, but if we make sure that we don't drink today, all those future days will take care of themselves.

Cross Exchange

2011-12-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

These two little stories contain some spiritual truths that can help the addict or alcoholic look at the way they are living their lives. If you think that your troubles are worse than anyone else's you will remain in self-pity.

Tip: "Poor me. Poor me. Pour me a drink." Self-pity, which is always combined with resentments of some kind, kills. In order to stay sober you really need to look at this.

Having a "cross to bear" may be a term that has lost significance in contemporary North America as we aren't a primarily predominant Christian indoctrinated people anymore. But like a Zen Koan, or a First Nation story passed down through generations, there are rich truths to be mined from all spiritual tradition scriptures.

For people of Christian faith the Passion of Christ is central, and the story well known. For those of you unfamiliar, the bearing of the cross is in reference to the gospels in Christian Scripture (also known as the New Testament). Shedding the context and details of the story, Jesus was made to carry a large and heavy wooden cross through town to his execution site on a hill. From this then, 'bearing one's cross' came to symbolize the set of burdens that each individual must carry with him or her through life, each person having their own unique bundle of pain.

"Oh woe is me", "If you only knew the troubles I've seen", "Man, you think you've got problems, listen to this!" "You won't believe what happened to me." Problems, issues, complaints, add your own to this list: health, finance, relationship, kids, parents, veterinary bills, car repairs, bullies, bad haircuts. Anyway you get it; the burdens seem to just keep getting heavier as the years go by. Here's a little story about how one man tried to change load.

One day, a man just couldn't bear it anymore! He could barely walk, his cross was so big, and it was way too heavy for him to manage without losing his balance. So, he knew what to do, and he went to the Cross Warehouse.

"St Peter," he cried, at the door," my cross is too much for me, I can barely go another step."

St. Peter was very amicable. He said, "Brother, take it off, set it down. We can help you here! Have a look around; you can exchange your cross for another one. We have thousands".

Indeed, the warehouse was large, and filled. The man slid off his cross, and leaned it up against the wall. Excitedly, like my sister in a clothing store, he began to try on new crosses. He tried ornate iron crosses, crosses made of balsa wood, plastic crosses, blue, green, maple, and pine, straight and crooked crosses. Some were brand new; others seemed very old and mysterious. There was something not quite right with every cross the man tried on; too small, too light, too large, shiny, fancy or plain. This wrought iron one poked into him. That plastic one just seemed silly. He tried on dozens, looking for the right fit.

Finally, the last one he tried on (of course, 'cause he was finished looking) seemed perfect! It slid on like a charm, like it was custom made, not too light as to be weightless, but not too heavy to bear.

"St. Peter," he said, "I found one I really like and I would like to exchange my cross for this one."

"Sorry," said St Peter, "it would be impossible for you to exchange your old cross for that particular one. If you will take notice of it, you will see it is the same cross you came in with."

Ahh one of those stories that make you go hmm. Would I exchange my problems or my life for anyone else's? Good question. In addiction recovery, one of the most powerful tools to lighten your own load, is to help another suffering alcoholic or addict. When we really listen to what's troubling another person's heart, and we really empathize, we can feel their burden. But we don't walk away with it, it's not ours. We really do have our own.

Here's another way to look at the cross. In recovery, we find that our greatest suffering and pain provides us the most spiritual growth. No addict will be willing to do the ego shattering work of the 12 Steps, unless he or she has first hit bottom. The worst of what happened to us becomes the greatest of our assets, for we can uniquely help another suffering addict from our own experiences.

Tip: If your higher power brings you to it, your higher power will bring you through it. Or across it.

One day a man (maybe the same one?) was on a journey through the mountains (life). With each step the man took, the cross he was bearing got heavier and heavier. Day after day he stumbled, staggering under its weight; the cross was beginning to drag on the ground. One night, as he was preparing wood for his camp fire, the man looked at his ax, and then looked at the cross, and then back to the ax. "Hmmmm," the man pondered, "maybe I can just take a little bit off the cross, to keep it from dragging." With great effort, the man chopped off several feet from the center beam.

He was really pleased with himself as he trudged off the next morning with his lightened load. Then, around a curve in the trail he approached a chasm. He could see that to continue the journey there was nowhere to go but across the divide. But how was he to get over? He was stuck there! And, of course, if he had not altered the length of his cross the night before, it would have fit comfortably across the chasm, to the perfect path to the other side.

Our Higher Power gives us everything we need. What we do with it becomes our business. Well, not really, but we sure can learn painful lessons about acceptance and surrender. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens.

One more thing. The cross I have been focusing on in this essay; some people suffer and bear it to the grave. Some people suffer and bear it to make sure everyone sees them suffering and bearing. Some people even want to carry everyone else's. Well, just in case you don't know the Passion of Christ story, Jesus only carried his cross for 3 hours.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

Family Tree

2011-12-09T06:00:00.000-08:00

We can't get and stay sober on a Sunday School version of God. We can't get and stay sober on a 'second hand' version of someone else's Higher Power. We need to have our very own first hand, direct relationship with the God of our own understanding. God has no grandchildren!

The Divine Paradox of AA

2011-12-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold. Joy in our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds. We feels we have struck something better than gold. For a time we may try to hug the new treasure to ourselves. We may not see at once that we have barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if we mine it for the rest of our lives and insist on giving away the entire product. p. 128-129 B.B.

If He Were Sought

2011-12-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

Often a stumbling block for newcomers to recovery is this Higher Power that could and would if He were sought. Here is some great news: if you are seeking God, you have already found Him/Her/It/Them.

Congratulations Seeker.

Believe it!

2011-12-06T06:00:00.001-08:00

Downstairs, in the meeting room of the Kamloops Alano Club is where this little slogan was taken from. Years ago, you could just barely see it through the smoke.

5 Holiday Sobriety Tips

2011-12-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

5 Recovery Tips For the Holidays

Here are 5 tips to help you maintain your sobriety as the holidays approach. If you are an alcoholic, getting sober is one of the hardest things you may ever do, staying sober will be the hardest, and you need all the help you can get. Read these tips, one of them may just save your life.

1. Stay out of slippery places. Only attend a function with alcohol being served if you have a legitimate reason to be there.

2. Don't depend on someone else to get you home from the occasion. Drive your own car, and make sure you park in a way that you won`t be blocked in. If you don't have a car, make sure you have cab fare and a cell phone. You should also have your sponsor's phone number.

3. Know what you are going to drink before you get there, and order something that comes in a can or bottle that you can open yourself. Stay away from 'mocktails' or 'near beer'!

4. If you have to set your drink down to use the washroom, or other reason, get a new one. Don't pick up your old drink, it may have been tampered with, and you also run the risk of picking up the wrong drink.

5. Be very aware of everything going in your mouth. Many holiday treats are laced with alcohol. Liquor filled chocolates, rum balls, tiramisu are relapses waiting to happen. Remember you have an allergy to alcohol, and even a tiny bit can set off your physical craving. You may not even know why, if you were careless about what you ate.

Be good to yourself. You deserve to be happy, joyous and free, and live to see another season, and the best gift you can give your loved ones is a healthy you.

Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

2011-12-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

Bait and Switch...

2011-12-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

"Alcohol gave me wings to fly.

Then it took away the sky."

Addiction is a dark and stormy business. In the beginning full of promises, in the end full of despair.

The Poison Arrow or First Things First

2011-12-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

Down in the Amazon Rainforest, when the people of the jungle stilled lived in the jungle, there was a small group of men, sitting in a circle around the fire. They were laughing and having a good time bragging about their hunting and stealth skills. They were painted up a bit, wearing their skin loin cloths, and their teeth were stained. They were all really good friends and family members of the same clan.

One of the men stood up from the fire, and suddenly from out of the jungle a feathered blow dart came streaming in and plucked itself right into the man's backside! The man jumped high and let out a scream. All the other men jumped up too - they were very concerned and knew they must get the dart out right away before all the poison entered their friend.

The stricken man, however, was very angry and he was yelling, he said (in their own language of course), "What colour are the feathers in that dart? Who was the man that blew it into me? Did anyone see him? How long was the blow stick he used? What face painting did he have on? Was he very tall? What was his name?" and so on, he jumped around yelling. He was peering into the jungle, evading his friends who were trying to pull out the dart before it was too late.

With a whole series of questions still on his lips, the man gave one last shiver, scowled, fell down and died.

Many people who come to face their addictions are like the dead man in this story. They feel angry too, and want to know how they came to have the disease. Who gave it to them? When? Who did what wrong and who is to blame? Nature? Nurture? They ask, ask, ask, jumping around and yelling while those that can help are unable to.

If the man in the story had listened to his friends, and let them help remove the dart, his chances of survival would have been greatly improved. What about answers to his questions? They may have some sort of interesting story to tell, what bird the feathers came from, how the feathers were obtained, who carved the blow gun, and who made the knife. What about the frog where the poison came from? What about the chemical formula of the poison? Lots of great stories here in a never ending array of possibilities.

None of it matters if you are dead. In treatment we encourage people to save their burning questions about the cause or causes of their addiction, for later, way later. First Things First - a basic AA slogan to pull out the poison dart before anything else.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

Need One Now?

2011-11-29T06:00:00.000-08:00

Are you thinking about giving up 5 minutes before the miracle happens? Well, guess what? It is coming, and it is here now! Just don't drink today, and amazing things will happen.

Empty Your Cup or Are You Going To Drink That?

2011-11-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

In Addiction Recovery it is said that you only need to change one thing, but that thing is everything. And everything is included in everything. Carl Jung stated that this recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body must be a "complete ego deflation, followed by a profound personality change". Sounds simple enough doesn't it? Yep, very simple, but not very easy. How do you precisely, go about changing everything?

I'm going to answer that question in a famous little Zen Koan, but this little Zen Koan has itself undergone an unprofound personality change of its own. What I mean by that is, that I have adapted some of my favorite Koans, removing hard to pronounce ancient Japanese names, places and customs, substituting with modern Recovery circumstances.

Empty Your Cup

Sarah had almost finished her college diploma in Addiction Studies.

For her practicum, she needed to talk to an 'old timer' in a 12 Step Program, so she arranged to visit with Old Moe at the local Alano club.

While Old Moe was pouring coffee, Sarah talked about all she had learned about the 12 Step Program and how she thought it worked. Old Moe filled Sarah's cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. Sarah watched her overflowing cup until she could no longer restrain herself. "It's overfull! No more will go in!" she blurted.

"You are like this cup," Old Moe replied, "How can I tell you how AA works unless you first empty your cup?"

I don't think that Zen should really be explained, so I'll leave it at that.

Oh, one more thing, since we are talking about filling cups:

The Pessimist sees the glass filled half-way, and says, "that glass is half empty".
The Optimist sees the glass filled half-way, and says, "that glass is half full".
The Alcoholic sees the glass filled half-way, and says, "are you going to finish that?"

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

Good News Bad News

2011-11-27T06:00:00.000-08:00

Active addiction is a lonely business. Alcoholics know loneliness like few others. From Chapter 11 in the Big Book:

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did -- then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen -- Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!

p. 151, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

This is a 'we' program :)

Zen Recovery

2011-11-26T06:00:00.000-08:00

Zen Koans have been used for a couple of thousand years or so to help people reach enlightenment. They are little stories or situations that were designed to make people pause, scratch their heads, and say, "what?"

I love using Zen Koans in recovery work and generally people loved to be baffled by them. Sometimes though, I think (which is not condoned in Zen) that the ancient and hard to pronounce Japanese names and foreign customs serve to distract a more modern Western audience. A parable or teaching story works best by meeting people exactly where they are and with what they are familiar with. Jesus told stories about shepherds and sheep, while Lao Tzu spoke of oxen and rice paddies. I've just brought some of our favorite Zen stories into Canadian culture in the 21st Century. Here is some Zen of Recovery, I hope you are scratching your head.

EGO

Bruce was fairly new to AA and sobriety, but he had been very successful in his business and active in his church. Bruce considered himself to be a humble and dedicated member of his new 12 Step Fellowship. Bruce scheduled regular meetings with his carefully chosen sponsor, Frank.

One day during their weekly visit, Bruce asked his sponsor, "What is 'ego', according to AA's spiritual principles?" Frank's face turned red, and in a very condescending and insulting tone of voice, he shot back, "What kind of stupid question is that!?"

This unexpected response so shocked Bruce, that he became sullen and angry. His sponsor then smiled and said, "That Bruce, is ego."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Derry

How To Avoid A Train Wreck

2011-11-25T15:08:00.001-08:00

Most newcomers to AA are amazed at the incredible truths offered by those with even a bit of sobriety. One of the most astonishing to learn is that it is not the 3rd, 5th or 17th drink that causes the problems, but the very first one. If you don't take the first drink, you won't get drunk. That is a promise and a guarantee.